BEGIN AGAIN. I CANT STOP. 

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I want someone to look me in the eye on my deathbed in my 90s and see stories in my lines and wrinkles. 

When a guy brings you closer to god, you keep him close.

My roommates are yelling at me to stop watching the news and eating an go to bed since I’m so sick. These girls keep me in check, I love them so much.

Waiting this long got me here, I can wait a little lifetime longer.

I actually feel really shitty. I hate being sick away from home.

I hate that I base the quality of my day on if I get a text from someone or not. That’s sad.

My roommates are the best girlfriends I never had in high school. I mean I had best friends who were girls and a lot of good guy friends, but never a group of girls who have been the family they have. I feel safe and happy and on track in life while still maintaining who I am. I am beyond lucky.

I’m happy and I don’t give a shit about what you’re doing with your life.

I get a short snappy text and I’m immediately confused, disappointed, sad. I get an unexpected mood-boosting text and I’m overwhelmed with happiness. Technology causes me to have the most extreme mood swings and honestly sometimes I wish I could just get rid of it all. I’ve thought seriously about showing my Phone and Mac the grand river countless times.I know people talk about ridding themselves of the unnecessary evil, but the lie is right there. It IS necessary. Not for life, but the life we live now. After countless annoying teachers and papers and commencement speeches, It finally hit me, tonight- and It almost makes me sad down to the core. Like I missed out on a golden age for humanity- when people walked a mile to come talk to you and interpersonal relationships were just that- personal. I’m realizing I’ve always been like that too. My best memories were when I took a walk in an unfamiliar town or sat on a bench and had a life altering conversation with my best friend. I missed out. But its not my fault, It’s no ones fault really. Adults before this age of technology often say with jealous tones how lucky we are and how nice it is that everything is right at our fingertips and seconds away. By all means, I’m not disagreeing. That is a milestone for humanity, but we always want what we can’t have. On the way up to school, my dad took  the scenic route through the country where it’s very populated by the amish. I look out to a small house built with the hands of a loving husband. I see kids in hats and clothes unique, made by a patient mother, planting flowers on the front yard. I’m immediately overcome with jealousy. Tears even come to my eyes. The amish have always captured my heart in this sense- in their beauty and simplicity I always longed to have is not just a characteristic, but a lifestyle. Fate or god or a wizard or whomever/whatever you choose to believe in has planted them in this setting. They never left the golden age for humanity. They beat the odds. As I’m sitting here tonight typing this on my computer and my phone nearby with an unanswered text, they’re all I can think about. 

So I got back from spanish and our door was unlocked so I came inside and no one was in there, so I screamed ” YOU GUYS LOCK THE DOORRRR” just talking to no one, so I’ve been in here for over an hour sitting in our living room blaring music and singing and all of a sudden Hanna comes out of her room in a dress looking rough and shes like ” Oh hi! I think I fell asleep” HANNA omg how do you wake up in the morning.

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Finally typing up all my thoughts and putting them all in one place feels amazing.